Columbus Circle, June 2007

I went back to the Zendo yesterday for the first time in about two weeks. It was terrific to finally get a chance to sit peacefully and for an extended period of time, though it was also difficult: the day was hot, and I felt very drowsy. As much as I tried to follow my breathing I occasionally found myself half-dreaming, in a state that wasn’t quite consciousness. I’d have to drag myself back to the surface again, back to the breath and some measure of alertness.

Practice waxes and wanes for many people, and I’ve felt separated from my practice. I’ve had so much going on: social events, co-op board business, my weekend in Southampton, my move to the new office building and all that entails, my bout with the flu. My head has been rolling with duties, thoughts, and yes, delusional compulsions, too.

So I was happy to sit again, as hard as it was, and I’m once again renewing my vow to return to sitting more frequently. I really need that time to find some space, to renew my connection with life. Without it, I stop seeing - I wind up rushing around busybusybusy and forget to notice, well, virtually everything.