Friday, April 25, 2014

Squirt Gun


Last night as I was walking home from work, I passed a six- or eight-foot high hedge near a large apartment building. I saw movement from the corner of my eye and glanced into the hedge in time to see two boys, probably about ten years old, hiding with a large squirt gun. "This could be a problem," I thought, looking away -- and was immediately hit with a blast of water just behind my left ear.

At least, I guess it was water.

My mind instantly weighed two options. One, I could keep walking and ignore them. Two, I could teach them a lesson.

I stalked over to the hedge and yelled in their suddenly terrified faces: "Do you want me to call the cops?! You're assaulting people!"

Those boys tore out of that hedge like their pants were on fire. I circled around the bushes and yelled at their backs, retreating across the lawn: "Do you want me to talk to your parents?!"

Of course, the cops would laugh in my face and I had no way of contacting their parents -- but the boys didn't know that. Dave would say I "went all New York on them." I am a nice guy, I swear -- but I am not going to take that from kids, especially not after working all day amid hundreds of them making mischief in a school library. It was a teachable moment, right?

The last I saw they were running down Edgware Road, a good two blocks away from me, and widening the gap as fast as their legs could carry them.

As I turned to resume my walk I saw that one of the boys dropped his hat in the hedge.


So here's my new hat! It's not really my style, though, I must admit. It's already in the bag for the charity shop.

(Top photo, completely unrelated: I often pass this vintage Citroen DS 21 on my walk to work. I always think it looks like a cowfish.)

9 comments:

Vivian said...

so funny...yes you did the right thing...crazy kids ha ha!!

The Bug said...

I love it! I wish you'd gotten a picture of them hightailing it :)

Lynne said...

Glad you taught them a lesson! Good for you! That old car is lovely. Not much street clearance though. How classy.

ellen abbott said...

Too bad the kid lost his hat though. It looks new. Getting the shit scared out of them was punishment enough. They'll not likely try that again.

Linda Sue said...

I would have been that kid

Elizabeth said...

Well, that made me giggle, I admit.

utahDOG! said...

So you scared the piss out of some poor kid with a toy, and then stole his hat?

Steve Reed said...

Yep, and maybe next time he will think twice before squirting a stranger on the sidewalk!

Mick Popka said...

It's not a cowfish, It's a PIKE!