Friday, November 27, 2020

Teasels, TV Nostalgia and Kong



Back in the spring, I mentioned three teasels that sprouted of their own accord in our lawn. At the time they were just little things with a few leaves, but as you can see, they've become monstrous. I can't wait to see what they look like when they bloom, which surely will happen next year. The ones I planted have grown too, but they're not as big as these.

Teasels are basically weeds, but I like them. Not only do they feed birds, but they're virtually guaranteed to grow. Stick 'em in the ground and off they go.


We had a ridiculously low-key Thanksgiving. Dave went off to the dentist at 9 a.m. for his root canal and was gone all morning. Olga and I spent the time in the garden, me clearing and trimming and Olga playing jungle dog amid the bare sticks of the flower bed.

I threw out several of our sadder potted plants, including our African daisy, which is looking lanky and spindly and pretty terrible. But when I pulled it out of the pot I saw that it was root-bound, and I felt lingering guilt. Maybe it would bounce back in a bigger pot? So I retrieved it from the garden waste bag and repotted it. We'll give it another year.

I also weeded our patio -- a bit ironic since just yesterday I was singing the praises of weeds. But they do have to be kept a bit in check, don't they? The biggest challenge there is Mexican fleabane, which constantly threatens to take over.

Later in the morning I watched the movie "An Early Frost," with Aidan Quinn, Gena Rowlands and Ben Gazzara, on YouTube. It aired on network TV way back in 1985, and it made an impression on me then as one of the first films to deal openly with homosexuality and the AIDS crisis. I hadn't yet come out at the time, but I knew I was gay and I knew AIDS was something I was going to deal with one way or another in my life – a terrifying disease that at that point was only barely understood and inevitably fatal. It's a well-made movie and not as sad I'm making it sound -- it's ultimately more about living with AIDS than dying from it. Anyway, I was happy to find the film online.

(There's another movie from that time period called "Family Business," which aired on an episode of American Playhouse and starred Milton Berle, that I'd also like to see. Berle played a dying patriarch and business owner with three sons, one of whom -- played by Jeffrey Marcus -- was gay. That movie made an impression too, but unfortunately, I can't find "Family Business" anywhere online. I've looked for it for years with no luck.)

Dave came home around lunchtime, a bit numb but not in too much pain, and we Zoomed with my mom and brother in mid-afternoon. My mom was being zany, laughing and making faces at the camera. Because of her dementia I'm not sure how much she follows in any given conversation, but at least I got to see her. The experience was depressing, honestly. She is so not herself these days. The Mom I know is sensible, practical, intelligent and emotionally reserved, and this Mom is downright giddy. But at least she seems happy. Things could be so much worse.

Finally, Dave announced that he didn't feel like cooking, and I could hardly press someone who'd had a root canal into service in the kitchen. (And if I cooked we'd be eating peanut butter.) So we ordered take-away. I had a turkey reuben sandwich – and it's honestly only just occurring to me now that at least I got some turkey.



At the risk of overburdening you with dog videos, here's one showing Olga chasing her Kong in the garden. You have to endure about 30 seconds of me commanding/begging her to drop it before I can actually throw it, but this is our usual routine. She has to feel like she's in charge. And she is.

41 comments:

  1. I find Olga so irresistible. Hope Dave is doing well today. A turkey Reuben sounds so good! I remember seeing An Early Frost when it came out. So incredible for its time. My heart is with you concerning your mother. I’m glad she seems so happy. That is a blessing. When I read about the African Daisy, I wasn’t surprised you saved it from the trash.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes it really is better to just put a plant out of its misery, but I'm pretty bad at that. "An Early Frost" is good even now. I was impressed at how well it stood the test of time.

      Delete
  2. We who someone cooks for need to be very understanding when chef wants a night off.
    I haven't heard of the movie An Early Frost, and in the 80s I was quite up to speed with such things. It was set mid 80s and I am not sure many did live with AIDS. From my experience so many died.
    In our last house with its small rear paved courtyard, I used to use chemicals to kill off what grew between the paving that I couldn't pull out. Later I learnt that boiling water was just as effective. No weed seems to like boiling water.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've heard of that trick, but I worry that I'd be burning insects and worms and whatever else might be living underground there. I just pull the weeds. They come back, and I pull them again. C'est la vie.

      Delete
  3. I'm glad the worst is over for Dave and that you were able to get take-away meals. There are never too many videos of Olga and I am sorry dementia has taken the mother you knew away...I hope she is happy and not frightened.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She seems fine, honestly. She's always laughing and kind of silly. Second childhood!

      Delete
  4. You have got to get to the roots of those pesky weeds that grow between gaps in paving. I confess that I spray weedkiller on them. Please don't tell any supporters of The Green Party.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm quite insistent about not using weedkiller. Weeding isn't really that hard, although I can never get them all. We're not too focused on neatness! I think we may want to re-grout (?) the areas between the stones, though.

      Delete
    2. See https://www.thepavingexperts.co.uk/product/easyjoint/

      Make sure you charge your kindly landlady. With the eye-watering rent you pay she should be shelling out for such maintenance.

      Delete
  5. I loved the way Olga was talking to you. I'm glad to hear that you got to talk with your mother. A turkey Reuben actually sounds pretty good.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She's very talkative! She's basically taunting me to come after the Kong and wrestle her for it.

      Delete
  6. Your fishing the discarded African Violet out again touches me. You are so kind. It's great to give anyone/thing a second chance. I do similar things but find it's best not to mention to certain people. One of them (I think it was my father) mumbled under his breath something about his eldest being a soft touch and that I won't be able to rescue the whole of humanity. Correct on both counts.

    Olga clearly knows her own mind, and is communicative. She reminds me of one of my cats (the one with the death wish - RIP). Fleury and I had the most enchanting conversations without interrupting each other. It was extraordinary. Unlike her son who'd just plonk himself on top of you and PURR. Never was he happier than when I was immobile with both my arms broken and in cast, lying on the sofa, Bette Davis films on a loop. Oh did he purr. All eight kilograms of him pinning me down.

    Weeds are weeds only to the close minded. They can be beautiful. Like bindweed (white flowers). And dandelion (yellow flowers, Pusteblumen when they turn to seed - blow away. A trick I showed the Angel and his friends. You blow and what do you know: You'll be really popular with the neighbours!

    From your peanut butter remark I take it that Dave is the gifted. Or he just won't give you a chance (to cook)?

    U

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think you have to be able to rescue everything -- just what you can reasonably handle. I had a talkative cat once too. She always drooled when she purred.

      Delete
    2. Oh, and yes, Dave is definitely the gifted (and trained) cook in our household. I'm the cleanup man.

      Delete
  7. Olga is a very pretty girl. A very happy girl.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She is both! We were so lucky to adopt this dog. No complaints whatsoever.

      Delete
  8. How very, very hard it must be so see your mother in this stage of this horrible illness. Yes, she is most likely content and even happy but she's not really the woman you've always known, is she? I'm so sorry. And I have to say that I'm grateful that my mother succumbed to a heart attack before she traveled too far down that path. And she was NOT happy. She was bitter and angry and told us repeatedly that she was ready to go.
    Well. Not very cheerful, am I?
    As to your Mexican fleabane- you know how much I love all things Mexican. And I do! But I realized a long time ago that planting anything with the name "Mexican" in it around here was nothing more than introducing an invasive species. It sounds ridiculous but...I've learned that lesson.
    Glad Dave's tooth is taken care of. One less thing to worry about, one more thing checked off the list.
    Olga! It almost seems that she wants you to try to wrest the Kong from her mouth. She's a spunky girl!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it's as if Mom is now an entirely different person. I have to keep telling myself, no, that's really her. Part of Olga's game is gloating over her possession of the Kong, and basically daring me to take it away from her. It's quite exhausting. :)

      Delete
  9. Dementia IS awful, but be grateful that your mother is giddy and laughing. I have seen too many people wandering about crying for the ghosts of their children grown and gone. It broke my heart to hear them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely. In fact my mom is probably the happiest demented person I've ever seen. We ARE lucky in that regard.

      Delete
  10. Teasel grows like crazy here. Even though it's an invasive species, I like the tall spiky flowers. I like how you care for your plants, rescuing the ones you've tossed because it still might have a chance. You have a good heart.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think teasels are native here in the UK, so invasiveness isn't a problem from an ecological standpoint -- only a gardening one!

      Delete
  11. we had a most untraditional dinner last night...a ground beef, yellow squash, onion, pasta, tomatoes and sauce casserole. it was really good.

    my mother lived alone after my dad died and had dementia for years before we realized it she was so good a covering it up. it wasn't until she got put in a 24 hour care facility and then a family home that we learned. she was first in a co-ed facility where they kicked her out for 'clothing issues' translated she would walk down the hall naked like some femme fatale. so be thankful your sensible practical mom is only silly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds kind of like Hungarian goulash! I think my mom concealed her dementia for a while -- she grew increasingly anti-social and when I visited her a few years ago she didn't always make sense. That's when we knew something was up. Fortunately, no nudity was involved!

      Delete
  12. dementia creeps in through the back porch door, sneaky. There are glimpses chalked up to normal aging, dismissed until too late to say goodbye to the loved one whose memories have turned to swiss cheese. Too late for the sufferers wits to gather and demand "pillow , over my face, STAT". We talk about this a lot, as our old brains seem more scrambled.
    Olga, what a gal! Thank you for that bit of silly pooch antics, just being DOG, made my day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda, as you (and Ms Moon) say. Although still (relatively) young I am hyper vigilant as to what some people so quaintly call "senior moments". I hope, with all my heart, that I won't miss that vital moment when I can still recognize the signs and am able to do something about it. Should I miss that point, I asked the Apple of my Eye, since I do not wish him to go through that which Steve and others describe, to take me for a walk when the time comes. You know, coastal path, a "sudden" gust - better people than me have fallen down the cliff. Unfortunately, met with an eyeroll by him. However, I do mean it. I will NOT be a burden to him, blighting his life. Steve describes so well the mother he remembers, the person he now finds - albeit that she appears "giddy" in her own world.

      U

      Delete
    2. It IS very insidious. Several years ago, my mom (who was a mathematician) had some math books out on her coffee table. She said she was trying to revisit some old problems and see if she could still do them. She said she could, but I suspect she felt herself slipping even then. The thing is, I think she IS happy now. So at least there's that.

      Delete
  13. Yes, Olga is most differently in charge. I laughed at the end of that video as she took her Kong far away from you. So you couldn't throw it again, perhaps?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Once she's got it, she is loath to give it up -- but in this case she was just running back to our "starting" point. Usually I can coax it away from her for another throw! I do have to beg and plead, though.

      Delete
  14. For a holiday ( day off) you were very busy.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I had never thought of planting teasels as I have just seen them in the wild, but it is a good idea. Though I don't need yet another plant to take over like all my others do! I am glad you got to see your Mum. It must be hard to see her so not herself, but as you say, at least she is happy, and technology can help you to see her. Olga always makes me smile and I loved seeing her enjoying your garden. Rather you than me though, picking up her slimy Kong! I was thinking the other day about how tactile memory is so vivid and I remember the feeling of a wet dog toy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The teasels definitely will take over, if permitted, but they also self-seed which is a good thing in moderation. I don't think I've pulled any out yet, but eventually we will reach that point, I suppose!

      Delete
  16. I like the view of your yard in that video. It looks so well taken care of! Olga has you well trained!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad you think so! As much as I talk about the garden, we're really not very tidy gardeners. Hopefully the neighbors also think we do a good job!

      Delete
  17. Thanks for visiting my blog. I found Mitchell through another blog and then you came by my blog and left an interesting comment because you saw me at Mitchell's blog. I love it that you live in London. England is a place I desperately want to visit. I showed the photos of Olga to my son. He said, That's a good lookin' doggo. We love dogs. Anyway, your blog is great and I'll follow you . . . wherever you may go.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by, Janie, and I'm glad you enjoy the blog! I'll follow your adventures in Jax!

      Delete
  18. No such thing as overburdening us with Olga videos :)
    I love the part at the end where you say "Good Girl!" and she scoots past you like she's saying "I'm keeping it this time, buddy" lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Yeah, her instinct is ALWAYS to keep it. Getting it away from her again can be a time-consuming process!

      Delete
  19. I worked with AIDS patients in the eighties. It was the saddest time; they all died. All we had was AZT and it didn't really work. It was a heartbreaking time.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Love That Olga Girl Video - She Is Such A Classic - Cute Like " Look At Me " Cries - Extra Treats From Uncle T For Sure

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete