Tuesday, April 7, 2009
I’m getting a late start this morning, just waking up at 7 a.m. I had a strange night. I woke up about 1:30 a.m. and I could NOT get back to sleep. I lay there thinking about work, and about my life in general, wading into the weeds with questions like, “Where are you going? What do you want in life? What are your goals?”
Finally I broke out John Cheever just to get my brain off that hamster wheel, and after I read a short story and had a bowl of cereal I was able to get back to sleep again.
It’s true that I’m not particularly good at goal-setting. I tend to just hover in a job until the next thing comes along that seems right, and that pretty much describes my approach to my personal life, too. I’m not good at trying to nudge things along, to make things happen.
The truth is, I haven’t enjoyed my job for years. I have some good days, but I’m removed from what I most enjoy about journalism -- the writing, the storytelling. Now I mostly help get the tools and processes in place for our papers to tell their stories better, and there’s virtually no hands-on work.
On the personal front, I was recently talking to a friend who’s started dating a guy he met via a dating site on the Internet. I was thinking, “Geez, maybe I should be doing more of that.” I’ve only tried Internet dating once -- but let’s face it, that’s how many people meet nowadays.
I like to be open to what’s really happening, as opposed to getting wrapped up in what I only want to happen. But maybe I’m being too passive. Maybe helping things along would be good for me.
I hate insomnia. Ugh.
(Photo: "Flying" reflections in Chelsea, March 2009)