Finances

Combing carefully through my checkbook yesterday proved to be very educational.

For some time now, I've been under the impression that my money was holding out just fine. I transferred a chunk into my checking account in February, and since then I haven't touched my savings. I kept thinking, "How can I be living on this not-so-large chunk of money all these months?" Of course, I've been getting unemployment, but that's a pittance.

I must have been in denial. Seriously. If I'd given it even a moment of critical thought I would have seen that I couldn't possibly have survived on that money all this time.

Combing through the checkbook, now that my checking account has more or less run dry, reminded me of two things. One, I got a pretty large tax refund, which I never transferred out of my checking account -- so that money has also been spent. Two, I launched my checking account with a different transfer last December. That money has also been spent.

So in reality, I've spent more than I imagined. About three times more.

Now, this is not cause for crisis. I have plenty of savings still. I have not touched my severance payment from my employer or most of the savings I'd accumulated up to last fall. And some of my expenditures were for essentials -- like my share of my health insurance through September.

But I do need to be more careful with my money. When I first lost my job I went through an initial period of hyper-austerity, but gradually that subsided and my spending habits returned more or less to normal. Because I live in New Jersey now, things are much cheaper, but I haven't been particularly careful about cutting back on luxuries like restaurant meals or bottles of wine.

I don't want to stop going out -- I think we need that opportunity, and it wouldn't be fair to Dave. But I should be more aware. And goodness knows, I wish I could sell my apartment. If I didn't have that hanging over my head my finances would be much closer to breaking even.

(Photo: We bought a philodendron for the living room a couple of months ago, and it throws the most interesting shadows on the walls!)