Yesterday was Dave's birthday. I had a restaurant dinner planned but I wanted to get him a gift or two as well, and yet I seemed completely incapable of making that happen. I have no idea why I just couldn't get it done.
I was going to get him some cooking gear -- he's mentioned wanting to replace some of our pans and our baking sheets -- but I felt overwhelmed by the options and the task of trying to source the right things. I went to some shops and didn't see what I wanted, and I really didn't want to order online because I don't know brands and wasn't sure what I was going to get. At the end of the day I just bought him a gift card at our local kitchen supply store and I gave that to him. It feels silly since it's just me spending our money on something that he has to go choose anyway. Why couldn't he just walk into the store and buy it without my involvement? Know what I mean?
It feels like kind of a non-gift, in other words. But that's what he got.
For dinner I chose a restaurant in Mayfair that has a Michelin star and promised contemporary British cuisine. Unfortunately, when I made the reservation, I neglected to notice that Sunday was "jazz night." So we went in, sat down, and within half an hour a jazz trio gathered right behind Dave and began to play.
"You brought me to a jazz club for my birthday?" Dave asked.
Now, Dave hates jazz. I know this. So I explained that I didn't know about the jazz and we just rolled with it and laughed it off. The musicians were not intrusive and played softer pieces by the likes of Antonio Carlos Jobim and Miles Davis, so the music -- to me anyway -- was enjoyable. The dinner turned out OK -- Dave was happier with it than I was. But overall, I feel I didn't do a great job managing this birthday.
Here's an evening portrait of Olga in the garden -- the picture of happiness.
And here she is yesterday morning in front of one of the more unusual homes on our street, with its garden wall decorated with playful gargoyles and statuettes. This is the domain of the bathing beauty, who you can barely see in the background above Olga. (Her tub is obscured by all the shrubbery but trust me, it's still there.)
I had an unsettling dream last night. Dave and I were sitting on the couch in my childhood home in Land O' Lakes. We're talking and suddenly I hear what sounds like distant gunshots. We decide to close the sliding glass doors, which were standing open facing the lake, but I cannot pull them closed -- when I try some unseen force pulls them open again. I'm getting frantic at being unable to lock the house as the gunfire comes closer. That's when I woke up.
It doesn't take a degree in Freudian or Jungian psychology to interpret this as a reaction to what's going on in Iran, and the fear that the conflict will eventually threaten us. I saw yesterday that Keir Starmer came out in support of the Iran operation, though the UK did not participate. I can't see anything good coming of this but I trust Starmer more than I do Trump, so maybe there was some sound reasoning behind it. Then again, even if Starmer opposed it, would he say that after the fact? All that would do is antagonize Trump. So maybe his support doesn't really show agreement.
I am going to try to be very Zen and calmly exist amid uncertainty.
(Top photo: A shopping arcade across the street from last night's restaurant.)
That's one happy dog in the garden picture!
ReplyDeleteBirthdays of loved ones definitely can put pressure on you.
O.K. and I have been together for over 9 years now, and I still think that he is an overly generous gift giver, both in terms of number and price. We both work full time and have enough money to spend on nice things for ourselves if we want to, and I really don't think it is necessary to have even MORE things around the house than what each of us already has. I much prefer a gift I can drink, eat or otherwise consume (nice body lotions etc. are always welcome), and most of all I love spending time together, so a ticket to a concert or other event always goes down wonderfully with me. But O.K. wants to unpack something - he is very much a "things" person, and so I always feel the need to come up with something I think he will like. I usually succeed, but I must admit that it means pressure, and all year round I take note every time he mentions something he thinks is nice or useful or both, then in due time I consult my list and buy what I think is appropriate (and available) - if he hasn't gone in the meantime and bought it for himself, preferably just a few weeks before his birthday... aarrrgh!!!
I have of course talked to him about this, but he sounded hurt, as if I didn't want to bother... My current solution to this is to give him events, too (such as the "fairytales and wine" tour we went on recently), and add only one small-ish "thing" as a gift to unpack. And when he invariably asks me what I would like for my birthday or Christmas, I usually have a very specific wish, often a particular book or (at Christmas) a calendar or something like that.
You managed Dave's birthday ok, despite the musical slip-up... something just right, perhaps frivolous will emerge!
ReplyDeleteI don't trust either DT or KS....
ReplyDeleteWe have given up on exchanging birthday or Christmas gifts for precisely the reasons you mentioned. After 45 years together it seems a little meaningless. However, we do treat ourselves to a little trip away to celebrate instead.
ReplyDeleteThere's always next year!
ReplyDeleteWe all need to stay calm, our world is in turmoil at this point, I don't trust Starmer, he has taken an easy route on most things so far...
ReplyDeleteI think you did fine with the Birthday gift card, it's a gift, and he gets to choose which kitchen things he wants to buy. win-win. Actually better than you buying something when he'd prefer something else. Another option is to take him to the kitchenware shop and let him choose with a $$ limit. Happy Birthday Dave.
ReplyDeleteI love Olga in the garden and by the amazing fence.
That is quite funny about jazz night. Glad it wasn’t loud and overwhelming. We haven’t bought each other birthday gifts in years. We decided that since we always buy whatever we want throughout the year and since the money all comes from the same place, it wasn’t necessary. There’s usually a dinner out (with friends if we have any) and maybe flowers or something small and spur of the moment. It’s made life so much easier. Sounds to me like you did fine. I am soon to make plans for my next visit to my brother and it’s got me very apprehensive.
ReplyDeleteEven if things didn’t go quite as planned, the care, thought, and genuine effort you put into making Dave’s birthday special still shine through and sometimes, it’s the shared imperfections that make the memories most real and meaningful.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure Dave enjoyed his birthday. Just being thought about is enough.
ReplyDeleteThat picture of Olga in the garden is just perfect.
ReplyDeleteIn our last few years, we gave up on giving each other gifts. It was just too hard, beyond a bottle of nice Scotch. If we went out for a meal, the birthday person would be the guest and the other would pay.
ReplyDeleteYour garden looks a treat, with its central moving feature.
Our government was very slow to indicate support for the actions of the American government, but it has now. Maybe it waited to see what Sir Keef Stammer would do.