Do you ever have one of those nights when you just don't sleep well? I went to bed at about 10 p.m., as usual, then woke up around midnight and could not get back to sleep. All I could do is lie there and think about that kid who won't return his book, and ongoing changes to my job, and whether the tree trimmers are going to destroy the habitat at the back of the garden. I finally got up and read about 40 pages of "Trust," the novel I'm hacking my way through but not enjoying very much, thinking it would surely put me to sleep. But lo and behold, it began to get more interesting -- about 240 pages in! Go figure.
I finally went back to bed at 3:30 a.m. or so, and I must have fallen asleep but it didn't feel very deep or refreshing. I'm going to be a zombie today.
The job changes aren't that dramatic, I don't think. There's talk of having me work more in the Lower School, where apparently they need more help. I don't mind as long as it's not every day. I enjoy my job at the desk in the main library and people know me there, and I'd rather not lose that continuity or relationship with my regular students. The solution would be to have me go downstairs while the middle school or high school librarian staffs the main desk, but I think they're going to find they don't have a lot of time for that. We'll see.
I used to work with a woman who grimaced at the very thought of working with the littlest kids. She'd groan about how it meant certain contact with snot and vomit and various other bodily functions, because little kids do sometimes explode without warning. I still laugh thinking about her. (She moved to another school about six years ago.) It certainly gives me pause.
I think my boss has the impression that I don't do enough, sitting at the main desk. And it's true I have downtime between "customers" and I sometimes read blogs or the newspaper, but the point is, I'm there. I'm available. And I do get interrupted constantly by people who want books or have questions or can't use the printer or the laminator or wonder where the lost & found is, or have to be told to put their food away. I can rarely get through a single newspaper story without interruption. In other words, it may look like I'm not doing much but in fact I'm doing things all the time.
I'm also combing through our overdue lists and sending e-mails to students, teachers and parents, not to mention sorting and re-shelving and tidying up the room and coordinating displays and doing all kinds of background stuff.
I think my boss also has a fundamental misunderstanding of my personality. She hears me grumble and groan and sigh at my desk, and she thinks I don't like my job. What she doesn't realize is that I have a very dry, grumbly sense of humor, and that's how I make light of my frustrations. I groan because to me, it's funny to groan. It has nothing to do with being unhappy. I grumble all the time. I grumble here on this blog, and I love my blog.
I also wonder if she thinks I'm too hard on the kids. But I was hired to be hard on them -- in fact it was asked of me by the head of school, in my initial interview! I'm supposed to be the behavior police. If she wants me to change my tone or be less strict she should just say so.
Anyway, I didn't mean to make this all about my job. Obviously I'm thinking this through, and thinking about how to make clear to my co-workers that while I'm happy to fill in downstairs, they shouldn't see it as a frequent solution without ramifications.
Dear God. I hate sleepless nights.
(Top photo: The moon from our back garden. Bottom photo: An old and somewhat mysterious event sign in Neasden.)
33 comments:
The moonshot is a beauty. Good to know Juggle Ugly was still on last year. I’m sure it’s of cultural and historic significance (in Hackney?) although I have no idea what it is and I'm too lazy to look it up right now. Such a shame about the new boss and it sounds like they didn’t waste any time with their assessments and judgments. Imagine what a conversation with you could solve. So sorry about the sleepless night. Nights like that are when I wish I had an on/off switch for my brain.
Probably a reason for sleepless nights, brain goes into overdrive and sometimes solves a pressing problem. Well past midnight here, generally I am in slumberland by now- but, can't sleep- must have caught it from you! I hope that you do not have to go downstairs very often, little kids are so germy, cute, but wear a mask.
Your moon shot is so cool!
Regarding your now not so new boss, I have links down in London and for less than a thousand quid I am sure I could hire a hitman for you. Just say the word.
I don't like the sound of your new boss. Seriously she does not sound a good person to me in many ways. Stand up for yourself
I have to say, I would much prefer working with the little kids than the big ones who sound pretty disrespectful. I would very firmly speak with your boss and advise her of what you were told when you were, ask her if she is revising your job description. It sounds as if she's one to make assumptions.
Steve, I worked for 36 years in schools (teacher, principal, district administrator) and I’m very familiar with your work world. Of course I don’t know your exact “people” situation but one thing I do know is that no job stays the same. And, probably shouldn’t. Yes, I know we have a tendency to get comfortable and want it to stay the same but it doesn’t. If possible, the best option is to just “go with it”. She’s the one who can make changes as she sees fit. My advice as an old timer is to accept her changes with a smile and adapt to them with positivity. If there are unexpected outcomes that she didn’t expect then so be it.
I wonder if your boss would be happy to have the counter unstaffed, if she doesn't think you're busy there. I wonder if she's a boss who wants to make changes just to make her mark. Sounds as if you have different approaches.
Sleepless nights are the worst! I hope today is easier than you expect.
I understand how working with younger kids isn't everyone's cup of tea. I've found that I actually enjoy middle school kids more than the littles at my current school. It's easier to build rapport with older kids and they're just more interesting to me. I will admit that the small fry are cute, though. I stay well away from the "explosions" (lol!) and admire their cuteness from a distance. :)
I hate change too. I guess time will tell how much change there is to your job.
I don't usually have a hard time staying asleep but I often have a terrible time falling asleep now, not something that was a problem when I was younger. I think it's part of ageing, who knows.
For what it's worth, I was awake at about the same time last night and read for a while too. First furiously and then resigned.
As for your boss and possible work changes: speak about it, don't grumble and keep it to yourself. Constructive suggestions always work better than complaints in the work environment, my experience. But I am sure you know that.
Hmmm. Well, I can see why you're having sleepless nights with that. Sounds like it might be time to have a heart-to-heart with your new boss (if she's the kind who can/will do that).... One of those "I thought it might be good for you to know the things I do and why I do them that way" sort of talk. If she's managing multiple libraries in the school, she might not have a clue of the day-to-day things that you encounter -- or the fact that when you were hired you were told to be "bad cop" if you had to. Any conflict is always worth a talk -- as hard as it may be. It may or may not change anything but at least you will know you tried. And maybe she'll "get it."
I totally agree with Jeanie ... have a sit-down with your boss!
Reading your post is a good reminder to me why I am enjoying the retired life. My whole career was spent in elementary and middle schools, so my affinity is NOT for high school students. Maybe you will enjoy the little ones?? When I started teaching, I taught elementary school. When I moved to middle school, I was worried that the kids would be obnoxious and rude. And some were, but most weren't. I like to think of elementary school students as puppies, and I like puppies. I hate sleepless nights. I get them every now and again, and it is usually because there's something on my mind that worries me. Good luck with it all.
I would be loathe to try and give any advice here. Firstly, I've never worked in that sort of situation, secondly, I feel like you've probably already tried to communicate with your boss. I'll just say that I hope things get worked out because life is too short to be dealing with situations that keep you up at night with worry. As my mother used to say to me, "You are a worrier!"
To which I would think, "Well, someone around here needs to worry because things are definitely not right."
Sadly, the older I get, the more such nights I have. With time, I have learned that it is much better for me to get up and go read a book, watch a show on television and get my mind off the subject it was dwelling on and then go back to bed to get a few more hours of sleep if possible.
I also try to wind down my mind before the end of the day before going to bed by reading. I find if I'm having a conversation about a deep topic with my wife right before bed, or she asks me to deal with XYZ the following day to close to bedtime, I'm more likely to have a sleepless night chewing on the subject. So we talk about those sorts of things earlier at dinner and then wind down the night with books.
Sounds like you will try it out and then everyone will see if it works or not. I worked in elementary school libraries and had lots of fun with the little ones. You can always meet with your boss like others have suggested to find out the reasoning behind these changes.
Hope you sleep better tonight!
sleepless nights. it's usually Wednesday night for some reason because I have to get up early ruch my morning to get to SHARE nd work a 4 hour shift. I would much prefer a good night's sleep before all that.
I have no advice about your job situation as I've never really had a boss having been self employed.
These sleepless nights just happen when the brain just behaves like terrier shaking the life out of something!
Good moonshot, and the clouds...it's lovely when you can see the weather working
I've had many, many nights like that. Sometimes you just can't get your brain to shut down.
I have a boss who doesn't communicate at all and yet expects us all to know what he wants. It's frustrating.
I had a bad night Sunday - but I just couldn't fall asleep to begin with. Eventually I did & got about 5 hours of sleep. I hate that - but I'm glad I don't have "dawn insomnia" where I wake up in the night & can't go back to sleep. Sorry you had to go through that!
My boss keeps telling all the new things he's going to have me do & I'm NOT excited about it. I like my job the way it is. However, like Don says I'm going to just grin & bear it - but we'll see how it actually goes. (Actually, I'm not one to keep my mouth shut if I think my idea is better, so my boss will definitely be hearing my opinion. I'm 10 years older than him so I know better. Ha!)
Job shifts can be stressful. I would go with the change. Prior to the change, go to your manager and ask for advise on some aspect of the job or the library as a whole. She will see you as a team player and open/seeking her advise/approval. Most managers are immediately flattered. Keep it all business. You want to be in a good place always. Your night sky is dramatic.
Change is hard. I have a new boss too and although I did some work for him prior to this, it's different now that I report directly to him. It's mostly okay but I miss my old boss. Whine, whine :) i hope it all works out. Who hired you to begin with, the former head librarian or the principal or some kind of school board? If it was me, I would have a chat with the original hiring person or equivalent to try to communicate the issues and point out the discrepancy between what you were hired to do and what your new duties are. If you think the new duties are more or harder you would be within your rights to ask what if or what the compensation will be for the increased duties.
Why do some people try to further their careers by messing other people around?
That's a great nighttime photo!
I'm sorry you've struggled so with Trust. Once I got past the first section, I was okay with it. The second part started to intrigue me, and the third part was really good. I hope it's one you can look back on in its entirety and say you enjoyed.
Those thoughts about your job and your boss would keep me awake for sure! One of our BC members read "Trust" but I can't remember if she liked it or not. I have a hard time with books that take a long time to get going.
You have a sleepless night and you're not even old! I think you know that change is good for a person.
A worker's efforts not being appreciated by management. Wow. That's a new one.
It is rare for me to have one of those nights but they are horrible.
Everything and the girl l
“ and you are most fallorn just before Dawn “
Yeah, me too. I have sleepless nights from time to time and then I'll sleep for hours the next night. Or not. It's all just a roll of the dice. Good luck with your job.
I do hope you're not banished to the land of the littles. At least you can talk in complete sentences to your current clientele.
Nice moon shot.
How young are the lower class? That woman who didn't want to work with the littlest kids, did she mean kindergarten age, like 4 and 5? You don't have those do you?
Mitchell: I wonder if it's supposed to be "Jungle Ugly." Jungle is a music style, apparently?
Linda Sue: You could be right -- all that nighttime mulling helps solve pressing problems? (And not-so-pressing ones.)
YP: Oh, I'm not going there, not even in humor!
Rachel: I don't think she's a BAD person. In fact I think she loves the kids and reading. But her style is definitely different and it's a huge change for the rest of us.
Debby: Yes, the job description question is definitely out there. She has altered several of my major responsibilities.
Don: Thank you -- I think that's very good advice. I do need to be open to change.
Boud: I'm not sure what she envisions about the counter. I think she wants to sit there herself, but it's going to be hard for her to get anything done that way.
Jennifer: Yes, the younger ones are cute, but the older ones have more personality and individuality, which I like.
Pixie: Interesting. I can fall asleep when I first go to bed, but if I wake up in the middle of the night, all bets are off on whether I can fall asleep again.
Sabine: I do try to stay positive, despite my constant talk about grumbling. I really think I only grumble in a humorous vein, but maybe I need to stop that.
Jeanie: We've sort of had that conversation, but part of what troubles me is I have no sense of her "grand design," if there is one. I don't know what big-picture changes she's trying for or how she expects things to work long-term.
Marcia: Yeah, maybe. I'm going to see how this meeting goes.
Michael: Retirement is looking better and better, but I feel like I'm still a little too young for that. (57)
Ms Moon: I think worrying has its benefits, when it doesn't take over. It allows us to think things through. I have tried to be communicative but I made some early mistakes with this boss and I think they've had ramifications.
Ed: Yeah, I think getting my mind off the day's events help. I've been trying to read before bed and it does make a difference.
Ellen D: Yeah, I am open to working with the little kids, as strange as it will be!
Ellen: Whenever there's something to be done super-early in the morning, sleeping the night before is difficult. I have that problem when I have to catch a flight, for example.
GZ: Yes, the terrier image is very apt!
Sharon: Exactly! That's part of my problem here. I just don't know what the big picture is supposed to look like.
Bug: It's hard when you really believe your way is better and don't understand the boss's "big picture." (Assuming there is one.)
Susan: That's a good tip. It helps to invite the boss to share expertise!
Jenny-O: Yes, the previous head librarian hired me, but there was input from the principals and even the head of school.
Tasker: I just want to be left alone!
Kelly: It has gotten better! In fact I'm almost done with it. I had to get about 200 pages in before I really felt a connection.
Margaret: Nighttime thinking is exhausting!
Red: Ha! Well, age is relative. I'm older than I used to be. :)
Andrew: I know! It's almost a cliche, right?!
John: ETBTG is always good for life philosophy. :)
Catalyst: Yeah, it's weird how the body responds to stress and overthinking. (Which is what causes MY sleepless nights, at least.)
Allison: Ha! Exactly! I do like a little bit of conversation.
River: We have kids all the way down to K1, which is the earliest year of kindergarten. (And all the way up to 12th grade, which means 17- and 18-year-olds.)
It wasn't the kids I was worrying about. I never doubted her love for them. It is YOU I worry about.
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