Feeling Guilty for Feeling Better

Here's the brand new housing development that was built along Potteries Path, a narrow, graffiti-lined brick corridor where I used to occasionally walk Olga. The path has been opened up, the bricks glazed and new apartments built where once there was a giant building materials yard and a vacant Camden Council office building. After years of looking decrepit, the offices were torn down and as far as I can tell, the area's regeneration is now pretty much complete. It looks so much better, apart from the dubious-looking planters in front of Five Guys (which are still there).

Dave and I went over to my co-worker Staci's house yesterday for lunch. Her husband Max made Vietnamese pork bánh-mì sandwiches on the grill, and I brought the ingredients for some refreshing summer Pimm's cocktails. We sat out in their garden for a couple of hours and talked about books and summer traveling and some other stuff. It was a nice diversion.

When Staci and I nipped out to get some ice from a shop on the high street, we ran into former co-worker Lindsey again, with her husband Gav! You may remember I just met up with Lindsey on Monday. They're staying near Staci's flat so it was just coincidence that we crossed paths. I haven't seen Lindsey in years and then I see her twice in a week?! Life is weird sometimes.

Otherwise, it was a pretty quiet day. I had a few more tearful moments about Olga but I can tell the pain is easing. I actually feel a little guilty for feeling better -- which I think is also a normal stage in the grieving process.

As I was looking back through past posts to find the links above, I kept running across pictures of Olga. Of course she is everywhere on this blog -- and on my phone, and in our flat. She's my wallpaper on my computer. She's my Google profile picture at work. The memories are dense. I remember when my erstwhile blog pal (and now Facebook friend) Reya lost her dog Jake many years ago, she actually deleted her entire blog. I don't quite remember her rationale, but I think she felt her life had turned a corner and she was on new territory and needed a new start. I am NOT going to delete my blog, or purge my phone or change my computer wallpaper or profile pic -- but I kind of understand the impulse.

As I walked through the housing estate yesterday morning I passed the door where Olga always looked for cats. In fact, there were two cats behind it! Olga would have loved having a beneath-the-door skirmish with them. The door has been recently decorated with these football motifs, which reference the World Cup trophy "coming home" to England. I don't really follow football so I'm not sure what prompted this display of fan fervor now, but there it was.

I also ran into the estate's caretaker. "Where's your dog?" he asked me.

So I told him my tale of woe, and we commiserated over owning old dogs. His dog also died within the past few years and he is still enjoying the freedom he and his wife now have -- to travel and that kind of thing. I told him Dave and I plan to do the same for a while. I'm sure we will get another dog, when the time is right, but I'm thinking that since I have another year of work it would be best to wait until that's done. That will give us time to get over Olga and see some sights, and then I'll be home and better able to care for a dog during the day.

Our pink lobelia is blooming once again. We only have one flower stalk this year. After getting so big that I divided it into two pots, it has now dwindled away to almost nothing (and one of the new pots has died). It was never one of my favorites, so I'm not heartbroken, but funny how it seemed so robust and then hit a wall. Maybe it has its own life span. (We've had it eight years or so.)

Here are a couple of good dog stories I've come across in recent days:

-- The Washington Post had a story about a woman who adopted a shelter dog that looked very similar to her former pet, only to find the shelter dog was her pet's father! I'm a bit skeptical, but apparently DNA analysis tells the tale. (That link should be a gift article that gets you around the paywall, but I make no promises.)

-- The New York Times had a nice obituary for Maddie the Coonhound, an apparent Internet sensation thanks to her talent for balancing on things (and her owner's talent for photography). (Also a gift article link, hopefully.)