Olga's Twilight

Our "Stargazer" lilies are blooming once again. I'm putting "Stargazer" in quotes because, although that's what we've been calling them ever since we planted them many years ago, I'm suddenly not convinced that's what they are. Stargazers are supposed to point upward -- hence the name -- but ours do not. They also don't have any speckles on the petals, which I think are a Stargazer thing. When I search this lily with my "Picture This" plant-identifying app, it says it's Lilium brownii var. viridulum, which seems possible.

This little ant doesn't really care what kind of lily it is, as long as there's sweet sticky stuff on the flower.

Despite my good news yesterday about Olga's checkup, she is still struggling. We took our walk yesterday morning, but then in the afternoon she got kind of agitated and seemed unable to get comfortable, and she kept making strange coughing/panting sounds. A couple of times she got suddenly weak or dizzy and collapsed at my feet. She did the same this morning -- I got her out of bed, she ate some breakfast and came out to the garden and wandered around, did her business, and then suddenly seemed unable to walk further. She lay down abruptly next to where I was sitting and didn't move for ten or fifteen minutes.

I think we're going to take her back to the vet tomorrow. I'd like some more precise diagnostics than I've gotten so far. The vet says her heart and lungs sound fine, but we've had nothing more than a superficial (it seems to me) physical exam. No blood tests, no x-rays. Maybe I'm thinking like an American, but if we're going to make decisions about Olga's care, it would be nice to have more specific information.

The bottom line, though, is that Olga is coming to the end of her life. I understand that much. Of course this isn't a surprise -- she's about 15 years old. It's entirely possible this is all merely old age, in which case we just have to deal with it. We'll take care of her until she seems like she's no longer enjoying herself. On the other hand, if it's something treatable, we need to know so we can address it. Right?

"If I lie with my face in the sun, then I am sunbathing."

I started a book yesterday that I think I might hate -- "The Man with the Golden Arm," by Nelson Algren. It's a famous book from 1949 about drug addiction. I'm about 60 pages in and so far I'm a bit overwhelmed by all the references to card sharps and wise guys and dive bar culture. Everything seems rough and bleak and smoky and gray. I don't know what I expected but I think it may all be too macho for me. I find nothing more boring than cards and gambling, except possibly fishing and auto racing.