Yesterday was very routine. Apart from a few phone calls, there wasn't much to do related to my mom's estate. In fact, I keep having to remind myself she's gone -- because under normal circumstances she'd be at her retirement center anyway, rather than here with us at the house. Occasionally I feel the impulse to say to my brother, as I have in years past, "We should go see Mom!"
We're not having a service for her, and I suppose that's what would normally be occupying our time during this first week of mourning. My mom didn't want a service. It wouldn't make much sense to have one here in Jacksonville anyway, as she lived most of her life in Tampa and that's where all her longtime acquaintances are. She wasn't hugely social and her few close friends are almost all gone -- the one exception I can think of lives in Miami and is too ill to travel. So JM and I are sort of having our own service, an exchange of memories and remembrances woven into the fabric of everyday life. I suppose that post I wrote about her several days ago was a eulogy of sorts.
My stepsister and her husband drove up from Tampa yesterday to spend some time with us. That's another thing that makes this situation a little awkward -- my mom had no relationship with the half of my family from my dad's second marriage. So my stepmother and step-siblings have had no role to play in any of this, but I was glad that Jennifer came up yesterday and we could at least go to dinner. We'll see them again today.
I drove around a bit with my brother yesterday morning, as is our usual habit (he loves to drive). That's where these photos came from -- taken in the Springfield neighborhood north of downtown, including shadows on the floor of the cafe where we stopped for coffee.
In the afternoon we went to that big antique mall we visited last time I was here. I picked up a few more old photos to "rescue" and put online (you'll see some of those eventually, no doubt), as well as a book from 1979 called "Go and Catch a Flying Fish," about kids growing up on the Gulf Coast of Florida whose parents are going through a divorce. (Sounds familiar!) I've never heard of it and I'm not sure how good it will be but it hit so close to home I couldn't resist.
I feel like I did Snoop a disservice yesterday by making him sound so threatening. Here he is in a friendlier mode. When I pet him, he likes to lie down with the front half of his body and remain standing with the back half. It's the funniest pose.
This morning when I woke up and opened my bedroom door to go get coffee, he was standing right outside it, Kong in mouth, ready to play!
I think you made a hit with the dog.
ReplyDeleteAt a certain age, a service isn't really necessary. I'm about your mom's age and have outlived most of my family and all of my aged friends. Similar situation, except I don't have local next generation relatives. So I too have left instructions for no in-person service. My son will do an online celebration though. Watch this space!
How long will you be staying, before the lure of Dave and Olga takes you home?
Nothing to say beyond a nice post.
ReplyDeleteI think Snoop loves you :) I'm glad you're having some family time. It helps at times like this.
ReplyDeleteI love the mental picture: Snoop inclines his head alertly. Ah, yes, Uncle Steve is up! I hear him! I hear him! *grabs kong and makes a beeline for the door*
ReplyDeleteThe ending of our lives is the product of our lives. A strange thing to think, isn't it? When a person lives a long life and dies naturally, I really think it holds true.
Good ol' Snoop clearly loves you and wants you to play all the time you are there.
ReplyDeleteI think that Snoop is attracted to you Steve. Must be your scent or maybe he imagines you are Kongman! Why work in a stuffy school library when you could be bringing contentment to the canine world?
ReplyDeleteMy father has made it very clear there is no service when he passes, and I feel the same. I just want friends and family to gather and have drinks and laughs and memories. No sadness.
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting paint job on that house!
ReplyDeleteIf a funeral service is for the living and the living don't care about one, forget it. I've been to funeral services where the minister or pastor did not know the deceased at all and if the deceased was not religious, the whole thing becomes a joke. "Her family tells me that she loved music. And flowers. And her children!"
You know what I mean. Best to do what y'all are doing.
Snoop is certainly a high demand doggo. He'll probably calm down when he's a few years older. But you can see his sweetness.
My mom didn't want a funeral or any sort of service either. So about a year later, we just sent out an open invitation and invited anyone who knew her and wanted to come down to the farm. Everyone brought lawn chairs and set out on the front lawn. My brother and I grilled about a thousand bratwursts (felt like it anyway), my kids plays some music on their instruments and anyone who wanted to could get up and tell a story about my mom. It was a much happier occasion with lots of laughter and ended up being a special memory for me.
ReplyDeleteIt's great to spend time with your brother and share memories and create new ones. That dog sure loves you and will miss you when you head home!
ReplyDeleteSnoop loves that you are there and ready to play at the start of a new day.
ReplyDeleteHe's a sweet furry balance to all the other stuff that must be done when a dearly loved one shuffles off this mortal coil.
It's a poor idea to play tug of was with a dog I think, they then learn to hold on and can later hurt someone. Throw the kong and teach them to give it back to you.
ReplyDeleteI've already written my own obit and have left instructions with what I want done with my ashes, unless I end up opting for a "natural burial", which leaves very little carbon footprint. Either way, no funeral service.
ReplyDeleteI think you have a friend for life in Snoop.
Snoop appears to be enjoying all that attention.
ReplyDeleteAw Snoop - he loves you!
ReplyDeleteI've fallen in love with Snoop. And he's in love with you. Just do what you're told. I’m glad your step-family can be there for you both. You've clearly had a strong bond with them. I love these photos (not that that's anything new). The shadows on the floor are a work of art.
ReplyDeleteThe sign on the house (I’m already home) reminded me of a song often sung at funerals—Dvorak’s “goin home”—don’t know if you like choral music? but here’s a Stockholm Mens chorus Zero8 performing it—I wouldn’t mind them at my funeral…
ReplyDeletehttps://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KtWAtGbKJMk
Did your mom have favorite songs?
Snoop is a big softy! ❤️😊
Snoop seems to believe that growling equals playfulness which I don't always interpret that way. However, I think it's a simple misunderstanding. He sounds like he has accepted you and wants to be friends. Sweet.
ReplyDeleteYes, Snoop is just a big baby at heart. He certainly loves his neck rubs.
ReplyDeleteBoud: Thanks for saying that. I feel a little guilty about not having a service but your perspective makes me feel better!
ReplyDeleteAndrew: Nothing to say but thank you!
Jenny-O: Snoop loves me TO DEATH. Honestly, sometimes I just have to get away from him!
Debby: I thought the same thing about the dog! So funny. I've never heard that expression but it's a good one.
Rachel: Literally ALL. THE. TIME.
YP: Don't pimp me out to a dog!
Bob: I agree. I suspect the old-style funerals are on their way out. A lot of people probably don't want that now.
Ms Moon: I just hope there aren't people out there who are missing the opportunity to say goodbye to Mom -- but I don't think there are.
Ed: Oh, that's a good way to do it! A memorial picnic.
Ellen D: As always, I feel guilty for cheating on Olga!
Robin: It's true. He's a welcome diversion.
CAR: Hello! I think it's all about moderation. We don't JUST play tuggy with him -- we also do other things. He's getting a good balance of playtime. He's just very vocal!
Kelly: I kind of like the idea of natural burial, or even a "body farm" where they just lay you out on the ground. I'm considering that myself.
Sharon: Definitely! :D
Bug: He does indeed. He's kind of a pain in the neck!
Mitchell: Yeah, it's nice to have my stepsister here. I'm glad she could come and lend her support.
Fresca: I don't know that song! My mom wasn't a huge music lover. She had a stack of records, nearly all classical, and we never listened to any of them. :)
Margaret: I really do think he's just playing in his slightly wild-eyed, puppyish way. He's only two, so as he ages he'll continue to mellow. (Like all of us!)
Catalyst: He does indeed!