Preparing for the End

Here's another hoverfly. We have zillions of them! This one is feasting on our Inula.

Yesterday I took Olga back to the vet for an ultrasound. I really wanted to get an idea of what's happening inside her body. My understanding was that I'd bring her in, the vet would do the scan while I waited and then we'd talk about it -- but no! I wound up having to leave her there for six hours, which I hated to do, and they had to shave a bit of her belly and chest for the scanner to work. This was slightly more veterinary intervention than I wanted at this point in her life, but oh well. She did fine.

Getting her there was once again a struggle. She would not walk. Fortunately, someone abandoned an old wheelbarrow in front of the Kravitz's house. It's been sitting there for about a week, unused, and rather than try to carry the dog I thought, "I'll use that."

I put a plastic garbage bag and an old towel down to give her a more comfy ride. Olga was not thrilled with this adventure but she stayed in the wheelbarrow while I rolled her around the corner.

After dropping her off, I had to keep myself busy. I thought about taking a walk -- I've been pretty much stuck at home for the past week, dealing with the dog -- but I didn't want to be far from the vet in case they called me to come in quickly. So instead I did more cleaning.

I cleaned out our bar cabinet in the living room, where we keep all our wine and cocktail stuff. It had become cluttered with unused glassware and the shelves hadn't been wiped down in years -- I seriously think not since we moved in here, 11 years ago. I wiped the shelves and reorganized the glassware, and took a box of donations to Oxfam.

Finally I went back to get Olga around 4 p.m. The verdict is that although her heart is fine, she has masses in her chest that are interfering with her breathing -- hence the coughing. What these masses are, we don't know. We're not even sure whether they're in the lungs or adjacent. The vet conjectured that they're cancer, but it's hard to say with Olga -- she has lots of lumps and bumps both internal and external. The vets have suggested twice before (years ago) that she may have cancer, and then when we've tested the growths they're benign. We don't see any bleeding or weight loss, which I would think we'd see with a malignancy, but what do I know? And in a way it doesn't really matter. The growths are causing her discomfort and interfering with her life.

The vet gave her some diuretic medication to hopefully help her process some of the extra fluid that has built up in her abdomen, which could then ease her breathing. That's a temporary fix.

I called Dave in Boston and we agreed that euthanasia is probably the best option, within the next couple of days. I'd like to wait for him to get home on Saturday morning, but Olga wouldn't really eat last night, so who knows how quickly things will move. I am in the process of arranging for a vet to come to our house, perhaps Sunday.

The fact is, she is very diminished. It's shocking for me to watch the "vicious fox hunter" video I posted just a week ago, because we don't see that much activity from her now. It's hard to get her to even walk outside. When Dave and I put down Ernie and Ruby, the old boxer dogs we brought with us from the USA, they were ill but even they were more able-bodied than Olga is now. If Dave were home I think we'd move on this immediately.

But then again, I watched Olga last night, dreaming on her bed, her paws twitching. I could tell she was chasing squirrels. Maybe it's OK to give her a few more nights of sweet dreams of her youth.