Sunday, January 15, 2012
I'm adjusting to life without Ernie and Ruby. It's been a little more than two weeks since we put them to sleep, and it already feels like much longer. The incessant self-questioning -- Did we do the right thing? Was it the right time? -- has mostly subsided. I've become much more comfortable that we did what was best for them and for us.
My photo classes have certainly helped, getting me out of the house and focusing (!) my mind elsewhere. It's also indisputable that our quality of life has improved, sad to say, without the dogs. The house is much cleaner and more pleasant, the laundry and other housekeeping is more manageable, and we have time to do things spontaneously like go to movies or out to dinner. Next month we're going to Amsterdam for five days.
And I am sleeping better than I've slept in months. Last night, for example, I went to bed at 10:30 p.m. and I didn't wake up until 7:30 this morning. That's an unheard-of amount of sound sleep for me, and it never would have happened with the dogs around.
Obviously, this isn't to say that I don't miss them. I miss them every day. But we've already reached a place where we can talk and laugh about them -- all their goofy shenanigans, especially when they were younger -- which feels much healthier. I even feel a little guilty about this healing process, like it betrays them somehow -- but a truer betrayal, I suppose, would be permanently attaching sorrow to years of happy dog memories.
I'm sure I still have more healing to go. It's early yet. But I do feel much better.
Dave and I went to see "The Iron Lady" with Meryl Streep yesterday. We both enjoyed it a lot, and Meryl, of course, gives an amazing performance. That woman is such a chameleon. She becomes her characters more thoroughly than any other actor I know.
(Photo: The Bridge of Aspiration at Covent Garden, on Thursday.)