Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Kips Bay, March 2007

This seems like a face, though it may just be an abstract tag. I think this was on E. 20th Street. I'm always interested in the patterns that taggers come up with - a lot like a signature, I suppose, but often more graphic. They really are little works of art, as well as identifiers.

I had kind of a rough day yesterday. My boss is out this week and my coworker called in sick, so I was a one-man operation for the day, and I was already feeling stressed. I began thinking about my future, which is almost never a good thing. Am I short-selling myself by staying at this job for seven years and counting? Do I need a change? Do I even still like New York, deep down, as much as I profess? Or do I merely need to enrich my life here, go on a few dates, spend more time with friends?

I began toying with one of my ongoing fantasies: Quitting my job, renting a van, selling my apartment and driving around the country for a couple of months, visiting its dark and forested corners.

I'm feeling pretty scattered these days. Normally a very focused person, I'm having trouble keeping track. I think resorting to these thoughts of change is an understandable "escape hatch," but it's also fantasy. It's running away. Dating and strengthening my social contacts would be a good thing, but the rest is just my mind taunting me with fictional ideas. Not that they're impossible, but if I'm going to make a big step, I want to do it for the right reasons - to move forward, rather than just get out of where I am.

So I need to stop the ruminating and pay attention to now, to the task at hand. I need to set aside the distractions, breathe each breath, continue to sit and, well, just press on!

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