Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Masochistic Torture Pants
So I went to the Levi’s store opposite Bloomingdales on Sunday and bought two pairs of jeans. One was the traditional blue pair of 501s, and just to be different, I got black 501s too. They’re both the same size -- 32W, 34L -- the size I’ve worn my entire adult life.
The blue pair fit fine. But the black pair are HELL. They’re really slim, so the waist and hips fit and the length is OK, but my thighs feel like they’re being compressed by a blood pressure cuff. I wore them to work yesterday, thinking they’d stretch out a bit, and I was miserable the whole day. I felt like my feet weren’t getting any blood. I kept waiting to pass out.
Needless to say, I’m taking them back.
I was a bit concerned, because I took the tags off (threw them out, in fact) but I do still have my receipt, and on the receipt are these heavenly words: “Any item purchased at Levi’s...can be returned for a full refund for any reason within 60 days of the date of purchase with receipt or proof or purchase.” I’ll test their customer satisfaction policy on my lunch hour today.
I’ve never owned black jeans before. Maybe they’re intentionally cut more narrowly than blue jeans. But these are unwearable.
(And no, my thighs are no bigger than they ever were, thank you very much!)
(Photo: Monstrous street art in SoHo, March 2009)