Sunday, December 13, 2020

Get Me Out of Here


I'm feeling a little stir-crazy these days. This lockdown, or whatever we're in now -- semi-lockdown, I guess -- leaves me uncertain about what I should and shouldn't be doing. We haven't gone to any restaurants for months, have barely left our neighborhood except to walk to work, and yet I get the impression that other people are leading life almost as usual. Am I being too restrictive or are they being oblivious? Can I safely I get on the tube and go down to Soho with my camera? Can I take a train out of town and go for a walk in the woods or on the beach? I have no idea.

I guess it's a matter of gauging the risk and doing whatever I find tolerable. It's just hard to know, especially given Dave's higher levels of vulnerability, and the lack of clarity over what's dangerous and what's not. Are trains really that risky? Some of my co-workers ride them every day! How bad could they be?!

I think I have to do something, though. I can't just keep walking the dog and taking pictures of our living room (above). Dave and I were watching TV last night, and we had the what-should-we-watch conversation, and I realized that I didn't really want to watch anything -- I just wanted to get out of that freaking room!


I did take the dog to Fortune Green (above) and the cemetery. So she had her squirrel-chasing fun. I also had plenty to do around the house. I vacuumed and did two loads of laundry and took care of all the plants and even read a little, though I continue to feel zero enthusiasm for reading.

I'm just sick to death of all of this. I'm especially sick of wearing masks for eight hours every weekday, masks that make my eyes feel hot and damp and steam up my glasses and make my face sticky. I'm sick of putting on and taking off gloves a hundred times a day depending on whether I'm handling "clean" books or "dirty" books. I'm sick of thinking about infection. Sick sick sick sick and tired.

Of course I know I'm not alone in this. We're all sick of it. And yes, I know there are people suffering much worse than I am, but that doesn't make me feel any better.

I feel like I need to start taking more acceptable risks, or I'm going to lose my mind. Dave is perfectly happy to sit around the house all the time watching YouTube. It's kind of his dream, actually. I, on the other hand, need more stimulation.

We only have one more week of work and then we're off for the winter holidays. Maybe during that time I'll get out of town (or at least out of West Hampstead) a couple of times and see some sights. I sure can't just sit inside for three weeks.


The parent group at school gave all the teachers and staff festive holiday hyacinth bulbs. We each got one, and one of my co-workers didn't want hers, so Dave and I have three. They're like floral drag queens with all that glitter! Supposedly, they'll grow and bloom with no water or soil, but I planted ours yesterday -- partly as a way to contain the glitter, which gets everywhere. So ours are now in a pot with glittery compost. I'll report back when (if) they flower!

56 comments:

Yorkshire Pudding said...

I believe that you could get a train from West Hampstead direct to St Albans. A great little town to explore with lots of history. Try to pick a good day weather-wise and travel outside busy commuter times. You would probably find yourself sitting on a quiet train there and back. Be brave and wear your mask. A little research beforehand would help and perhaps print off a town map too. Dave can stay home and look after Olga. (Yorkshire Pudding Travel Consultancy Ltd + Yorkshire Pudding Mental Well Being Company Ltd.)

Steve Reed said...

It's interesting you say that -- I was thinking about St. Albans myself. There's a country walk that goes from there to a neighboring town. I would definitely wear my mask. I may complain about it but I wouldn't think of not wearing it!

Frances said...

Oh which country walk do you mean? To where? Is is Harpenden? I think our trains are not very full from what people have said on FB.

Anonymous said...

At the most extreme of our lockdown, allowed out one hour a day for exercise and to buy food, I wrote a similar post out of frustration. It wasn't that I thought our state was doing wrong by us, but I was just so frustrated. Oddly with deserted public transport it was probably a very safe time to get out, but we weren't allowed. With the virus elimination aside from returning quarantined travellers, we were rather cautious for a time once we were released. I don't know what masking is like in London but if not everyone is wearing them, at least take yours off in quiet areas when alone.
I certainly did have lock down days where I could barely muster enthusiasm for anything.
A friend in London, https://62andthenext10pathways.blogspot.com/ is well into writing about the areas around every London Tube station and rather than use the busier Tube, she is walking more and using the quieter Overground.

Jennifer said...

Your living room looks so inviting and cozy, though!!

But seriously, I totally get it. This mess keeps dragging on and on and on. I think Yorkshire Pudding's suggestion is a good one. Take a small, calculated risk and get away from home for a few hours. That should help clear the cobwebs.

Steve Reed said...

No, it's not Harpenden -- I saw it in a Time Out guide and now I can't remember the name of the town. I think it starts with a B. Bricket Wood, maybe? Anyway I might just go to St. Albans proper, since a countryside walk might be a mire at this time of year!

Yorkshire Pudding said...

You only need to wear your mask on the train - unless you treat yourself to lunch - assuming that St Albans remains in Tier 2. Was it Boreham Wood?

Ursula said...

Unlike the ever carefully following "the rules" YP I do take risks. Going on public transport this minute is NOT one of them.

Neither do you need to wear a mask when going for a country walk. Unless, of course, everyone else has the same idea and is fewer than two meters to your wind.

U

Ursula said...

A heartfelt post, Steve. Your frustration is palpable. I sometimes think it's more the IDEA of being fenced in rather than the actual "hardship" that makes for cabin fever.

As I have been working from home, like forever, little has changed for me. I go for walks. I go shopping; and living a stone throw from center of town I do so on foot. Little and often.

During the first "wave" the Angel (whose company set him up at home well before the first lockdown was announced officially) sometimes sighed "Oh, Mama, if everyone did as you do ... " Yes, but no one did. Unfortunately, now that we are in semi lockdown and, as you say, no one effing does what I do. Namely to beeping keep their distance. They think: "AH, I am wearing a MASK. I am safe. Let's pile over each in the quest of Father Christmas".

You may appreciate the humour in this: A few days ago I went to have an eye test. If ever it's close up and personal it's someone not just gazing into your eyes (above mask level), but gauging your eyes. So there we were. The opthamologist and I wearing masks. He actually yanked mine down. Maybe he wanted see whether my mouth mirrored the smile in my eyes. Maybe one mask between two people is enough. When he escorted me out, and since I couldn't shake his hand to thank him for his time and effort, I touched him on the shoulder. WOOOOOOH. Stand by for those to be scandalized.

Soar, Steve, soar, use your own judgment. And don't forget to look left and right next time you cross a road.

U

Bob said...

I'll simple say 'they' are being oblivious.

Debby said...

I think that there is no way to eliminate risk. We must simply minimize it. I think long walks are really important especially now. (Ask Olga, she'll tell you!) I don't wear a mask when I'm walking, because there usually aren't a lot of people around and it feels wonderfully 'normal'. New sights are like life's little 'refresh' button.

Sharon said...

I feel your frustration and I understand it completely. I felt exactly like that last weekend. I just want to go somewhere and see something. I have a friend who has not been cautious at all and has traveled and dated and eats out all the time. She finally got Covid. I just heard yesterday that she is doing better now. I actually went to Costco on Friday and felt like I was taking a big risk just doing that. Here in the Phoenix area except for wearing masks, everything seems to be the same. The shops are full of people, restaurants are serving inside and the streets are congested again. It's hard to figure out what is safe and what isn't.

Ms. Moon said...

Yes. I think it definitely is a situation where we minimize risk the best we can. Do we need to go out to eat? No. That is a risk we don't have to take. Do we wear our masks on public transport or around others? Of course. But honey, if you have to get out of the house, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Take that small risk on the train and go walk in the countryside with your camera.
As my doctor said- quality of life is very important.
That said, I have friends who are, as we speak, in New Orleans, eating in restaurants with others, unmasked, going about as if nothing was amiss. And he just finished radiation therapy. And this man is extremely intelligent. I am gobsmacked.

Ms. Moon said...

And I forgot to say- if that's not gilding the lily, I do not know what is.

e said...

I think the larger issue here is what an acceptable level of risk is for Dave since he is more vulnerable and you share a household. Perhaps having a chat with his doctors about this would help since neither of you wants to bring anything home. Though I am sorry for your current frustration, I would urge patience. You are very fortunate to be able to walk where you have and have been working without known exposure. I have been in my house since March and having seen the things I have here, realize that very few of the things people think are important are not worth the risk of dying for and until we have a vaccine and know more about it, I'm sticking to this. I don't focus on deprivation but on what I can do and on being glad to be alive.

Anonymous said...

I am feeling quite the same way, Steve. I don't work though, so no mask or gloves for eight hours a day. But the weariness of not going out except to shop at our local co-op is getting to me. We do go for our neighborhood walks, but the lack of stimulation is everywhere we look. Quiet masked people out walking... us and them. Add to this nightmare the political nightmare unfolding here, and well it's a sci-fi movie that never ends.

Red said...

There are days when you feel like you will explode if you don't go out. they pass and you carry on until you get another attach. I don't think we are even close to seeing the end. As a senior I have to be more careful than other people. What do I do? I get out and walk.

ellen abbott said...

yes, sick and tired of the whole mess, of covid, of Trump, of the fucking seditious republican party. but I suppose life will go on. in another six months things should be as close to normal as they can get. I wonder how many permanent changes there will be to life.

My life so far said...

I'm feeling stir crazy too. Winter is always like that anyway but now there is a lockdown on top of it. Yay.

I love those bulbs and yes, they do look like drag queens:) I love drag queens but they also irritate me just a little because they look so much better than me. Jealousy rears it's ugly head.

Angelicastar said...

It doesn't bother me if I doesn't go anywhere. I always went to places essential before the pandemic. I do go out to get food when I am not able to cook and the grocery store and I am the first one in there before the crowd come. I make sure no matter where I have to go I am always wearing my mask. I only go to this chinese restaurant, but I am the first one there and I do a take out. I try not to do that too frequently. I always wonder if anyone has covid that prepared the food. If my blood pressure go up when I am in dialysis they will give me this blood pressure pill that make me very sleepy. When I get home I can't cook because I am afraid I will fall asleep and set something on fire. I tarnished the inside of my microwave by letting popcorn burn. Again I fell asleep. I won't use the microwave when I am on medication. I enjoy quiet times at home and hate it whenever I have to go out for something.

gz said...

It isn't easy, but with so many people being complacent...or downright obnoxious..best to be safe. If you can find a non-packed train route to get to a new walk, go for it.

Allison said...

I hear you! I am feeling extremely cooped up, and want to go somewhere. The fact that we're not likely to get the vaccine until mid 2021 is not helping, especially knowing the US could have had another 100 million, but the great negotiator decided not to buy them. I would not have predicted this outcome.

Elizabeth said...

Over 11,000 (not a typo) people dead in this not-so-big state of Massachusetts. Believe me, it makes us think twice about going out the door! Food shopping first thing in the morning when the stores are mostly empty, walks around the neighborhood. Out puttering in the yard if the weather is nice. That's about it since March. Husband is 72 with conditions that would make him very sick very quick with Covid. As his lifelong partner, I will never take the chance of putting him at risk and he would never do that to me. Hang in there....

Margaret said...

Your Dave sounds like my John--content to sit around and watch YouTube videos and comfortable staying home. I am very social and outgoing and have had many down moments lately. I have a car and can take drives. I also do car coffee dates--go through the drive through then sit in our cars and talk through the windows. I do a lot of walking but since it's mostly in my area, it gets old. I was supposed to fly to New York on the 14th and am sad I'm not going, in spite of the risks it posed. I love to travel and enjoy the adventures of new places.

Stubblejumpers Café said...

My sister's daughter just flew out here to Saskatchewan from British Columbia with her newborn baby. As much as I'd like to cuddle that baby and see my niece holding him in her arms as a first-time mother, I won't be going over there. I won't risk taking something to them that I don't know whether I'm carrying or not. Never mind what my niece may have picked up in the airport that I don't want to catch and spread. For me, the safest bet (though nothing is risk-free, I know that) is to assume that everyone, including me, is a carrier. Thinking like that helps me to make what I hope are the most responsible decisions about where I go and what I do, for myself as well as everyone I necessarily come into contact with. I'm fortunate to live in the countryside, where I can go for a walk without seeing anyone; usually not even a vehicle. But even that walk, which is always on the same road except sometimes I go north and sometimes I go south, can bore me. Thank god for the app on my phone that allows me to listen to a wide variety of interesting radio programs and podcasts as I walk. The only "hardship" for me is not allowing my son to come out for the odd weekend, and maybe not for Christmas either; not because it's so hard for me, though I'd like to spend time with him, but because it's hard for him with his limited comprehension of the reasons for it. There are far too many people not being careful enough, so I can only hope that those of us who are being careful are making a difference. Out here until the last month or so, many locals thought we didn't have to take this situation seriously because we're rural and cases were rare to non-existent here and it was just blown out of proportion by the media. Now we're *all* paying because our medical system is becoming overwhelmed, as predicted by doctors, nurses, and other frontline workers. They are the ones I've believed, all along. They're the ones, along with their patients, who have been dealing directly with it. It's not to be taken lightly. Be careful out there. -Kate

Sabine said...

So very understandable!

And we are now entering a real hard lock down as of tomorrow. I try to stick to a pattern of regular stuff every day and that includes no netflixing until after dinner and at least one hour outdoors. I have been doing this now since March and was fit to climb the walls a couple of times.

But we mustn't take this personally, the virus does not speak our language, just wants to use us as a host.

As for the risks vs going out, a tough decision. Obv., there is your Dave to consider, and I understand that burden because I am the at risk one in our family. At least get yourself some FFP masks to wear when you go out, please!

Moving with Mitchell said...

Yes, it is all so exhausting and stressful. Like you, I live with someone who is much more content than I to stay in the house. Fortunately I can get out during the day whenever I want and there are plenty of safe and pleasant places to walk. But I'm a wanderer and this isn't enough wandering for me. And, yes, I am very grateful to have my health and to, so far, have survived this nightmare. Spain’s rules have been mostly clear and consistent, which has helped. And we live in a tiny city, which removes a lot of the anxiety you experience. And, still, there is an awful lot of anxiety!

Ellen D. said...

I said to my daughter on the phone today, "I would risk my life to see you." I miss her so and she will come for Christmas. She has been very careful and wears a mask whenever she is out. It does get to a point where you decide if something is worth the risk to you and Dave or not. I like Sabine's suggestion to get a really good mask if you are traveling at all.

Catalyst said...

Yes, I think we're all getting close to the breaking point with this isolation.

James and Brigitta said...

My mom turns 80 tomorrow and I can't go home to be there, or for Christmas, because I live in the US and she in The Neteherlands. Although I'm dutch they won't let me in unless I have a valid reason (deadly illness or death of close family member). It's killing me since I know she's lonely .. Taking long mask-less walks help me cope and I believe it would be totally fine to take a train, and wear a mask, to get to a place where you can do that. Go for it!

Catrina said...

I feel like I’m a heartbeat away from wigging out 24/7. I have my husband, who should be a candidate for sainthood, but sometimes I just want to drive out to the countryside and scream my lungs out. It’s the same day after day.

Steve Reed said...

You guys had a lockdown that was even tighter (and longer) than ours. I'm impressed you handled it as well as you did! I have taken the Overground once and it does feel safer than the tube.

Steve Reed said...

It's all about balancing risk and reward!

Steve Reed said...

I was considering going into town to see the Christmas lights on Oxford and Regent streets, but my boss tells me it's PACKED down there, even with the lockdown. As you said, people piling over each other. So maybe not.

Steve Reed said...

Indeed.

Steve Reed said...

Exactly -- sometimes you just need to see something new!

Steve Reed said...

I have friends like that too, and although mine haven't gotten sick (as far as I know) I keep thinking, why am I being so careful when everyone else is gallivanting around like nothing is wrong? The thing is, they ARE getting sick, though.

Steve Reed said...

OK, he DEFINITELY sounds like he shouldn't be out and about. What are people thinking?! Maybe he feels an increased urgency to live his life unfettered because of his illness.

Steve Reed said...

Yeah, Dave is definitely the big issue. If it were just me I wouldn't be nearly as nervous about taking minor risks. Dave doesn't seem to mind if I ride the tube now and again, but I want to be as cautious as I can without going insane.

Steve Reed said...

I don't mind a mask when I'm in a shop or running a quick errand. But wearing one at work all day is a total drag.

Steve Reed said...

Yeah, I think this is going to drag on for a while, unfortunately. In the summer we had the garden, and that made all the difference. Now we're inside all the time.

Steve Reed said...

Trump is a big part of my frustration too! Why won't the guy just GO AWAY. He LOST. For God's sake.

Steve Reed said...

Drag queens often ARE quite amazing looking!

Steve Reed said...

It can be nice to have home as a retreat from all this, it's true! Sorry about your microwave! That's a drag.

Steve Reed said...

Yeah, so many people are utterly clueless!

Steve Reed said...

What a nightmare that man is. The nightmare that keeps recurring!

Steve Reed said...

Yeah, we're all in the same boat. I guess I should take heart from that -- I'm hardly alone in my frustration!

Steve Reed said...

Oh, the car coffee dates are a good idea! I have never missed not having a car in London until this year. If we just had our own transportation I wouldn't be feeling any of this frustration. (Well, not as much, anyway.)

Steve Reed said...

It's so strange that some of the rural areas are also some of the hardest hit -- like the Dakotas. I totally get being bored walking the same street all the time. Thank goodness for audio books and podcasts! I feel bad about not seeing my mom for the same reason you mentioned re. your son -- I'm not sure she fully understands why I'm not visiting. (Though I'm also not sure she misses me much!)

Steve Reed said...

I have normal fabric masks but I take care to steer clear of people and wash my hands a lot! And I stay away from busy places. I don't think that will change even if I decide to venture farther from home. I don't envy your new lockdown. We should probably do the same here.

Steve Reed said...

I'm glad Spain has made clear what's expected. We definitely do NOT have that here.

Steve Reed said...

Well, exactly -- it's all about the balance, and the risks you're willing to take. I totally understand making an informed decision to visit with and hug the ones you love!

Steve Reed said...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Steve Reed said...

My mom lives in a retirement center in Florida and I'm in a similar position. I can't visit her because they'd never let me in. At least not without a substantial quarantine period which I wouldn't have time to get through. Sorry you have to be away from your mom. Can you Skype or Zoom with her? My brother and I did that with our mom and it helped.

Steve Reed said...

I know many people are struggling more with mental health issues during this craziness. In Britain I've heard that alcohol consumption is way up! We just have to keep going. Persist, like Elizabeth Warren!

Janie Junebug said...

I have some cabin fever myself. It's hard to gauge what's safe.

Love,
Janie